Commitments, however, are not meant to be done in a vacuum.
Something to think about: is conditional commitment really commitment? If we place certain conditions on someone before we commit to them, is that actually not committing to them? Is it really wise to commit to someone unconditionally?
Think about a family. If a child does not behave, is it wise or foolish for a parent to continue in full commitment to that child without having certain conditions in place? In a work environment, is it prudent for an employer to keep committing to any employee that regulary steals from the company, keeps everyone stirred up, and is insubordinate?
I don't think conditional commitment is an oxymoron. I know some would disagree, and that's OK. We have to remember that it is OUR choice, OUR investment, OUR resources, that are on the line in any commitments we make. It seems to me that it is wise for us to evaluate our commitments to see if they are truly worth what we put into them. I don't see this as selfish; in fact, I see it as just the opposite.
Each of us is limited in our resources. A buzzword today in business is ROI: Return On Investment. Businesses want to see that the investments they make are going to pay off in the long run for the company. Some see ROI rapidly; some will not see an ROI for a while; but all investments need to bring a yield that is greater than the investment.
In a REALatioinship, ROI is often not considered. I think it needs to be considered carefully. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Where do we choose to spend them? On what, or in who, are we going to invest that time?
I have friendships that have ended. Friendships that I thought would never end. Why? In some cases, distance was a factor. In other cases, I could no longer see a benefit in the friendship, as the investment involved was more than I was willing to make, or was decidedly one sided-I was making all of the investment. A few friendships have ended due to learning who the friend really was, and not liking what I saw, compelling me to end my commitment.
In each case, the commitment I once had made a priority now became less of one, or ended altogether. That's OK. This decision, though not always easy, did allow me to more fully invest in the commitments I still had and were making.
Commitments are very special aspects of REALationships. We need to make the most of the ones we have and let go of the ones no longer bringing any kind of ROI.
Only we can make that determination.